The Stick Punisher interesting, showing some potential
I think this is a situation where the idea is good, but the implementation isn't good enough yet:
Using your camera to come up with a base animation on which to layer the action is a good idea.
Using stick figures (especially the crude ones you've used) is a bad idea. If you were to put some more effort into drawing the action, moving from stick figures to something more like real drawings, I think it would greatly improve this.
Don't apologize for the lighting: Use it to your advantage. Heck I would have darkened the space even more just to set a dark mood.
Also: Try to Use your entire Space, stretch the video (I'm pretty sure you can), Or cut down the size of the scene a bit.
Other suggestions: Cut your video up into sections and consider each chunk and the transitions.
Example:
You have 2 shots(sections) that span a gun shot. You might start with First sequence: Gun is raised, and just as the gun is fired, flash the screen for a frame, then second sequence show the muzzle flash drawing into the barrel
Time the Explosions with the Flash and then you will make the action seem more intense. Just think about any movie you watch. Explosions make the screen flash bright for a second. Gunfire is just a small explosion, from a distence it's no big deal, but upclose it's still impressive.
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